I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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