how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
