I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
