Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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