I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
