the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
