I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
