you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
