there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Your cock deserves a montage
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
