she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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