he puts the penis in happiness.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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