CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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