first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I think I sprained my soul last night
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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