Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
...so i touched it.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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