One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
