My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
