I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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