Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
