Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Randomize
