Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Alive.
So much puke
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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