He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
