Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
