and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
