Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
