remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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