I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
