Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
