I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
