I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Randomize