The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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