I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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