is wine microwaveable?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
