Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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