just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
