I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
