pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Threesome in a minivan. New low
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
