Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
