I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
After last night, I could never be a politician.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
