I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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