if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
