ADVERTISEMENT

• (434): View more from Virginia

  u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it

  (1-434): View more from Virginia

  but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text

  (434): View more from Virginia

  then give me ur phone

  (1-434): View more from Virginia

  NEVER!!

  Fav 3 1598 816

  share tweet
  

• (916): View more from California

  I hate ducks.

  (916): View more from California

  What?

  (916): View more from California

  they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.

  Fav 55 3868 1187

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (315): View more from New York

  We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."

  Fav 82 1907 22608

  share tweet
  

• (605): View more from South Dakota

  i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."

  Fav 20 9453 2163

  share tweet
  

• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy

  Fav 3 3372 1253

  share tweet
  

• (678): View more from Georgia

  Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.

  Fav 4 3236 1098

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (469): View more from Texas

  Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take

  Fav 13 2881 1732

  share tweet
  

• (330): View more from Ohio

  I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.

  Fav 5 2612 1177

  share tweet
  

• (219): View more from Indiana

  I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.

  Fav 13 1223 1614

  share tweet
  

• (512): View more from Texas

  With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.

  Fav 9 1381 1615

  share tweet
  

• (330): View more from Ohio

  If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent

  Fav 6 706 1480

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life

  Fav 2 477 776

  share tweet
  

• (773): View more from Illinois

  I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober

  Fav 2 622 443

  share tweet
  

• (545): View more from

  I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door

  Fav 1 62 19

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (541): View more from Oregon

  Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.

  Fav 0 12 44

  share tweet
  

Randomize