Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
