Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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