God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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