she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize