He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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