The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
