Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
