I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I won't apologize to a one balled man
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize