I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
