You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
