Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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