Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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