yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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