I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
