I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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