You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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