Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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