I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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