the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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