My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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