Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
