Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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