I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize