I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
