Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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