Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
