i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
only you would photoshop your dick
She bit a glass in half.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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