don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
