why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
