My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
