There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
