brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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