if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
We have so much sex to catch up on
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
