is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Randomize
